When life gets busy, just cook a salmon.

Busyness is the theme of the summer. At least my summer... what with yoga classes, work projects, events, gardening, farmer's markets, networking, and sleep, even the longer days fill up fast. Out of a bit of laziness, and sure exhaustion, I slept on my couch two nights in a row this week because my clean sheets were piled on top of my bed rather than on it, and I just couldn't muster the drive to make the bed at 11PM.

As I enter into this busy season, I've noticed that I've been eating a lot more food of convenience, rather than food of sustenance. Which is pretty much a tragedy considering that this is the season of farmers markets, fresh greens, strawberries etc. My garden is getting bigger by the day... And yet looking at my food spending there are way too many receipts for burritos (even for me). I feel as though I am stuck in this cycle.... the 12 hour work days certainly don't inspire much creativity in the kitchen, and yet its the leftovers from the moments I do have to cook that sustain me through the long work days. The last thing I want to do when I get home from a long day is cook, but then again, maybe that is exactly what I should be doing! When I get stressed, I tend to internalize it... which leads to awesome bouts of eczema and chronic tonsillitis. But is it really any wonder? I start sleeping less, eating less healthy, and I don't allow my mind and body to get the rest and nourishment they need. I usually wait till I'm at the brink of disaster, and then start popping vitamins and tea like there is no tomorrow.... healthy right? Maybe one of these days I will become a mature adult and realize that if I actually sleep regularly, and eat healthily, and take my vitamins all the time and not just when I'm about to drop off the edge of the earth, I'd be a little happier.... as with everything in life, there are excuses.... I'm a night owl, I'm busy, I hardly ever eat breakfast at home, so I forget to take my vitamins....

Over the weekend I was helping a friend pack, clean and move. She just graduated from Vet school, and had essentially 24 hours to pack up her house of 3 years... it was an epic evening of loud music, cleaning supplies, alcohol.... all the basics. Even though we weren't particularly hungry, as we began to clean out the fridge her roommate pulled out half of a salmon that had been defrosted and was just waiting to be cooked. We contemplated for a few moments, looked at the kitchen (half packed, half trashed) threw the salmon on a cookie sheet, added a bit of soy sauce, and went about our frantic cleaning and packing. 20 minutes later, the smell of baking salmon filled the house, and suddenly we realized that cooking half a fish was the best thing we could have done. We picked at the flakey pink fish with our fingers as we packed away books & glassware.  We completely annihilated the salmon, and it gave us just the strength and motivation we needed to keep on packing.

It makes sense, that in times when we are at our most stressed, we should be feeding ourselves well balanced nutritious meals... and yet it seems like so much work when a drive-through is just a quite trip away... but I'm rallying this week, trying to change my habits, and get into the routine of simple healthy meals to get me through my stressful weeks.... and really who says that taking a break and getting a little creative in the kitchen isn't just what I need? My brain is on over-drive so much of the time, I'm constantly thinking about the next deadline, the next project, the next event... that I'm sure my brain would appreciate a little creative wind down in the kitchen. So even though I might feel frantic, I'm going to attempt to spend more time in the kitchen, and less time eating fast food. Let's be honest, I will never give up going to Martha's Tacos.... but I do think its high time that I spend a little quality time unwinding in my kitchen.... and maybe, just maybe I'll actually start using my days of the week pill case for that multivitamin....

Comfort Food

Monday night I was craving a simple home-cooked meal. After spending the evening in the office I wanted something quick and comforting, and that didn’t involve take-out. I’ve been working a lot, and I’m afraid to say that I have been eating more than my fair share of burritos, nachos, and all things fast food… It’s a little gross…

I came home, went to the pantry and pulled out a small black-binder filled with pages written on a type-writer. A really great, old fashioned, Seventh-Day-Adventist Church cookbook from god only knows how long ago. In it are the usual suspects. Vegetarian casseroles, meat substitute entrees, jell-o salads… Most recipes in it, I will probably never try, but there is something about it that appeals to my nostalgic side. Here is a book of recipes put together by a group of women in a community, sharing ideas, and success stories, and overall meals that have sustained them and their families. (Most of the recipes that I use, are of course my grandmother’s)  I opened up the book to the vegetable section, and read off the ingredients for “Snappy tomatoes.”

I love this dish, because it is inanely comforting and SO easy to make. Canned tomatoes, diced onion, crumbled saltines, an egg, cheese, salt, paprika, and voila you have this amazing casserole of tomato-soup style goodness. I added in a sprinkle of dill, extra paprika, and some freshly ground pepper. No, it’s not a dish I would make for company, it’s not something that should ever be brought out if you are being judged on presentation, and in fact, I wouldn’t even put a picture of this dish on a blog. (it is not pretty) This is not a dish you can judge by its cover… and yet it met all of my qualifications for a Monday night meal. It was whipped together in 5 minutes, and baked to perfection. Simple, and yet I had the satisfaction of taking a hot casserole dish out of the oven.  It’s my go-to “cooking for yourself without really cooking” meal… Perfect for long days at the office and evenings when you need a little comfort food.  

These Boots were made for walking... or working, or being sassy.

Two weeks ago, when I was right in the heat of my sixty-hour work week, I found myself doing some on-line shopping. Though it was true, nothing new was needed, I was frazzled, and worn out, and wanted the instant gratification of a purchase. It’s a little sick, the idea that possessions can make people so happy… and as a yoga teacher I struggle daily with non-possessiveness, and non-attachment. I know that things should just be things, and that my happiness should not be attached to purchases or belongings… And yet there I was, buying, and feeling so much more content. What can I say, sometimes when you are completely worn down, you need to up your sassy quota… (ok I maybe upped it a little much last month… thank you tax return… thank you Bull-dog savings fund) and these boots are adding a little bit of spring to my step.

I won’t go as far to say that I NEEDED new boots… but I will say that I wanted them. And I would never go so far as to say that I NEEDED Red Sox Skivvies… my other impulse online-shopping purchase…(because, let’s face it, I already have Red Sox skivvies). I am a person who believes that all undergarments should serve a purpose… They should either be practical, or sexy, or at least make you feel sassy… I think the Red Sox skivvies fall into the last category. I don’t know when, but I’m sure sooner or later I will find myself dancing around the house wearing them… Granted, I might be the only person in my life right now who actually appreciates them, I’m sure that someday, I’m going to meet someone who’s life is made just a little bit better knowing that I own multiple pairs of Red Sox Underwear… but I’m getting off topic…    

The boot obsession started a few weeks ago when I was on vacation in Montana. My girl- friends and I were on a mission to find some used cowboy boots, and as we browsed around down-town Missoula, we didn’t find any cowboy boots, but I was rather taken with an amazing pair of Danskos. At first glance, it was everything I was looking for in a boot. Flat. Rounded Toe. Gorgeous stitching up the sides. Laces. The perfect brown color. I was instantly smitten, and for the next few weeks couldn’t get them off of my mind… I have a bit of a shoe collection. That being said, I think 95% of the time I am either wearing flip flops, my Dansko Clogs, or my Croc Mary Janes… I love fancy shoes, I have a closet full of fancy shoes, but lately I’m all about the comfort and the practicality… so the fact that these boots were sassy and practical was pretty much a win- win. (did I mention they have a zipper up one side, and that I can adjust the laces so they actually fit perfectly around my calves? They are seriously fantastic)

We did find some cowboy boots on our way back to Oregon… and my craving for new boots was slightly satisfied. Lets face it, the black cowboy boots had been on my list of things to purchase for quite some time….

 The Boot Mecca we Stumbled upon at an antique store 

in Coeur d'Alene on our way home

And yet I couldn’t get the other boots off my mind. The whiskey colored leather, the long laces, the detailed stitching… I started doing some on-line searching, read reviews, and even found out they were pictured in one of the fall issues of Yoga Journal… not that that factored into my decision making…  I know that buying boots in June is not really practical… but on the bright side, buying boots this time of year usually means they are on sale. And they were. It’s true, I probably won’t have much of a change to wear them between now and October, I can live with that.

I did take advantage of what was hopefully one of the last dreary spring days to sport the boots. Ok it wasn’t that dreary, and I was wearing a sun-dress… but I couldn’t not wear them! These boots really were made for walking… or working, or being on your feet all day, or being sassy. All of the above. And I can honestly say that I have no buyers remorse (even after looking at my credit card bill). I usually splurge a little bit on myself for my birthday… though this was a month early (and realistically I will probably still have to get myself a little birthday something from Anthropologie…. I mean they send you birthday coupons, it would be a same not to use them) it seemed like a fitting purchase… And the skivvies… well they are adding a little spring to my step too. 

Terrarium remix

My absolute love of terrariums is no secret. I've blogged about them before.  I’m pretty much obsessed with them. In fact, it’s fairly accurate to say that at least in my work universe, they keep me sane. Every time I’m in the office and start to feel stressed or overwhelmed, irritated, disgruntled, or any sort of anxiety, all I need to do is stroll over to the terrarium section, and spend a few minutes re-centering amongst the little indoor gardens. If we don’t have any particularly inspiring terrariums around, I often leaf through our multiple terrarium books, gaining inspiration, planning out my next project, and drooling just a little bit over the perfect miniature garden creations.

My favorite Terrarium book is Terrarium Craft… and what do you know, it’s written by  local terrarium goddesses, Amy Bryant Aiello & Kate Bryant of Artemisia on 28^th in Portland (AKA my Terrarium Mecca.) Ok, I’ve actually never been, but I drool over the book enough, and wistfully look at the blog enough, to know, that I cannot actually go there until I have some money saved up, and my credit card is paid off, because I’m pretty sure I will build terrariums until I am out of money. (It’s a sickness I think…) 

Ask anyone I work with (and thankfully most of them have my same terrarium affinity) it’s like there is some magic aura that surrounds even the idea of terrariums. They are calming, and breathtaking… and words cannot even express my reactions to them. Yes, I swoon over them… pathetic? Maybe. (I even tend to make excited almost growly noises when I see terrariums places… and my voice gets high pitched as I say “look at you!”) 

I’ve been giving terrariums as gifts lately… because as much as I love to ogle over them, they are even more fun to make. And what better gift, than a living environment, picked out, and assembled by hand? Naturally, I always make terrariums with a glass of wine in hand… and there have been several occasions in which I’ve stayed into the evening at work, or even wandered into the back green-house on an afternoon “off of work” with a glass of pinot noir, and an armful of succulents.

Over the weekend I was in Portland, relishing in a day off of work, drinking mimosas, and hanging out with friends. It was this surreal day of almost spring time weather, we went to a fair (there were pig races!) and after leaving my friends for the evening, I even had a first date. And as I was walking to meet him at the restaurant, I was pretty much stopped in my tracks, because there, a block away from the restaurant was Artemisia.  I looked longingly across the street as I walked by, and made mental plants of walking back to my car after dinner ever so slowly, and taking in every window display.  The date itself, was good and bad. One of those great first dates where the guy is cute and interesting, and there is good food and wine…. Only I was feeling violently ill, and only managed a few bites of my food and half a glass of wine. I wanted to stay, and drink and chat, and get to know him… but when you are focusing on not throwing up, it really does put a damper on things. I felt awful too, because of course on bad first date the best excuse is illness… the “oh I’m not feeling well” is code for “I can’t get away from you fast enough” but in my case it was really true! The only thing worse than having to leave a date because you are ill, is actually throwing up in front of your date (which, thankfully I did not do!). I bowed out gracefully, I begged for a rain check, promising to never ever eat fair food again before entering his company… and as I walked back to my car… I knew I couldn’t stop and take in all the beauty of the window displays… I was sick, and he was watching me walk away, and even though all I wanted to do was press my face against the window, and let myself be grounded and calmed by the utter tranquilness of the terrarium, I slowed my pace only a little, took a little gasp at their beauty, and kept walking to my car… He hasn’t called. And who can blame him? I’m sure I was terrible company… at least I got a glimpse of my Mecca. 

 My most recent creation

If you are looking to get inspired, Amy Bryant Aiello & Kate Bryant are offering a free class next weekend at Portland Nursery. It is sponsored by Powell’s Books, and I’m sure will be a wonderful time.

They also offer Terrarium classes at Artemisia.

June Priorities

I will be the first to admit that I pretty much sucked at blogging in May… I had visions more free time with certain projects coming to a close, but per usual, just as one realm slowed down, my work realm took off, leaving me feeling frazzled, and lacking in free time. I know it is my own fault… my own priorities are amiss, and if I REALLY wanted to write, I could make the time… but then who would do the laundry and the dishes, and plan classes, and get groceries? Most days I can hardly even manage to get that stuff done… but again that is my choice… when you are left with one day off a week, you often have to choose between personal tasks, and spending time with friends… and most days I choose socializing over the dishes….

June is going to be different. It is so easy to say, but I’m starting off the month by taking a personal day, and plan on getting my life in order. Look at me, blogging already… I know it is my responsibility to police my schedule, and lately I haven’t been very good at it. I found myself working 61 hours last week, and I know there were moments when I could have said “no, that project can wait” but last week in-particular there were a lot of things that couldn’t wait, couldn’t be moved, and actually had to get done. And that is the part I struggle with the most as a salaried employee… when they send everyone else home after clocking 40 hours, I start to feel as though I need to be picking up the slack… which is ridiculous. And my body is paying the consequences… maybe it is the 3 cups of coffee I drink a day, or maybe it is just the stress, but I have been feeling rather under the weather this week…. I know lean on the side of hypochondriac, so I realize that I probably don’t have an ulcer… but every time I start to actually feel the stress at work, my stomach starts to turn, and I have a new-found appreciation for tums. At least this year the stress isn’t resonating in my tonsils (do you have any idea how annoying/ frustrating it is to get tonsillitis 3-4 times during the summer?)  And so as of now, I’m tweaking my schedule, getting some regular office hours, I’m coming in later, and leaving earlier, and I’m hoping that this will help alleviate some stress.(at least in my personal life)

This month, I plan on spending more time in my garden, more time outside, more time in yoga class, more time writing! And maybe, just maybe a little less time in the office.

I will make you dinner...

I have been un-intentionally neglecting my blog lately.  What with the spring season at work, PR projects, not to mention the Terroir Creative Writing Festival, I’ve been feeling like all of my creative energy has been diverted elsewhere. Things needed to be done, and someone needed to do them, and so my own creative endeavors were pushed aside, and free time was spend doing things that really needed to be done, like sleeping, and laundry. Now that I am on the other side of Terroir, and breathing a little easier, I’m ready to once again write. (though let’s be honest, I’m totally distracted by my vegetable garden… and have essentially been hemorrhaging money on plants over the past week or two)

I’ve been reading through past blog posts, and am realizing just how cyclical life is. Just like seasons, and holidays, I feel as though each spring, my writing returns to plants, new growth, life changes, desires. And here I am contemplating all of that again. And in looking back at it all, I’m wondering what really has changed? Yes, I’ve moved, I finished school, I’ve started my own business, I’ve had my heart broken, I’ve been up and down and in-between, and yet miraculously I’m feeling pretty much the same as I was a year ago… which is a feeling just this side of restless.

I’ve been eating a lot of meals with my parents lately… its mostly good, and rather convenient… but there is always this little nagging voice in the back of my head that is saying “ok you are twenty-five, there are other places you should be”. But the sad thing is, I eat over there, because it is far less lonely than cooking dinner by myself. I love to cook, and also enjoy spending some time alone, but it somehow seems unbearable at dinner time. I can turn on a movie, or listen to news, or open a book, but in my opinion, meals are meant to be shared, and when you live alone, are single, and have very few local friends, it’s kind of a bummer.  Most of my existing friends don’t have this problem. They are either married, are in long-term relationships, have roommates etc. 

It’s a little hard to explain without making it seem like I’m complaining about life, because I’m not. My job is great, my apartment is ideal, and even though Terroir added a lot of stress to my life, it was also really rewarding to be involved with the whole process. And truth be told, a good part of my social life over the past 4 months has been wrapped up with Terroir as well. And now that I have more free, time, fewer meetings, and less “creative interaction” I’m realizing that what I am really craving in my life are more local friendships.

Last Friday, I was feeling so frazzled from Terroir, I could feel my body practically breaking down from the stress. I was working long hours, and to top it all off, I got into a fight with my mom… and I essentially had a meltdown. All I wanted to was to grab a beer with a friend, and vent for a bit… and sadly there was no one around, no one to call, and then the loneliness added to the already existing stress. And the only local-ish person I could think of was my ex-boyfriend, and even though we are in that weird in-between stage where we certainly aren’t friends, but also are trying to not be incredibly awkward around each other, he still managed to be supportive during my meltdown. There I was, spending my Friday night in a melt-down, getting pep-talks via text message from my ex… Granted, it was everything I needed, and maybe we are now one step closer to being friends in real life, and I’m really appreciative of the support… but it also really solidified for me, my need for a few local friends. Because, as nice as it was, I cannot call him whenever I have a fight with my mother, or freak out about work, or if I want someone to make dinner with…

My existing friends ARE great. We get each other, and the time we spend together is grand. But I have no local friends to speak of, and so the time I do get to spend with my friends is often very calculated and planned out in advance. None of us are great about talking on the phone, and when we do, it is usually to plan something. And yet with technology being what it is, I feel as though I’m pretty in-tune with what people are up to, and can just check in on Facebook, or read a blog, to feel as though I’m actually interacting with my friends… it’s sort of pathetic, but I know they feel the same way about me. When we actually see each other it is great, and we still connect… but living  at least an hour away, our connections don’t happen quite as often as they used to. Blame it on work schedules, gas prices, lack of vehicles, lack of time… but it’s getting harder and harder to drive up to the city for a random happy hour, or brunch, or outing. We have occasional dinners, and I have monthly meetings, and a few random work-free weekends which take me to spend with my friends… but with the distance and the schedules, spontaneous coffee dates and hang out sessions are usually out of the question. And I miss that! But at the end of the day, commuting to see my friends seems so much more realistic than commuting to work on a daily basis, and so much of what I love about my current situation is wrapped up in the community that I live in… what can I say, I want to live where I live, and work where I work, AND hang out with my friends, and sometimes it gets a little complicated.

Last week my bestie texted me  to inform me about Frappuccino Happy Hour at Starbucks. However she neglected to tell me she was working on a free-lancing project, had started a new job, was interviewing for a different job, and that we would have to leave a little later than planned on our roadtrip next week. Though I was thrilled to find out about Frappucino happy hour, I began to wonder about how we build connections with people, and how we choose what information we share. I like to think that my friendships are not superficial… and yet part of me wants to question this. Would I be more connected if I lived closer? There is no doubt…

But we (my friends and I) mostly make it work. There are a lot of last minute gatherings that I can’t make it too, and things I miss out on, but for the most part, we all make an effort.

I’m not trying to be redundant, I know I have written about this before… but how exactly does one make new, local friends? I feel like most people I know are making friends through school, through work etc… I’m not in school, I work for a small company, (and we are friends, and we hang out some, but when you work with someone 6 days a week hanging out on the one day you don’t see them is somehow not as fun) and to be perfectly honest, most of the people in the yoga classes I attend are in their 50’s.  I am sort of an old-soul, but I still want someone my own age to hang out with now & then. I would love to start a book club, or a writing group… but the main question is, how do I find people to be in them?  I almost feel like I need to start spending my days off in local coffee shops with a sign around my neck that says “will you be my friend? I’ll make you dinner” Not really… but sometimes I feel like it.  I’m not ready for on-line dating, but I am envious of people who just get to put out there what they are looking for… I guess people can look up my facebook page and get a sense of what I’m about, but sometimes I wish I could post a want-ad for friends. (in a completely not weird/ non-creepy way)

I threw a house-warming party a few weeks ago. I ended up inviting an eclectic mix of people, some I knew really well, some I didn’t, in hopes that some acquaintances would develop into friendships, that people would come and mingle, that it would be a melding of existing friends, and potential ones… I invited people from work, people I know from coffee shops, people from networking, people who I want to be friends with… It was a good experiment, but in the end, only my existing friends showed up. I have no complaints, we drank bloody mary’s and had a smashing time, and I got to play hostess, which is always fun.  But I do wonder how it would have been different, if some of the other invitees had shown up. How the dynamic would have changed…

And then you have to realize that making new friends is essentially like dating. You have to get through all the awkward conversations, you have to feel a connection, you have to figure out if you are compatible, if you have common interests and if you are going to go through all the awkwardness of “dating” it seems like you might as well be reaping all the benefits! Sure, you might not have to shave your legs as often when you are after friendships… Maybe a more accurate term for what I’m looking for in my life is companionship… I don’t know if I want more friends, or a relationship, or both… but I do know that I’m tired of cooking for one.