Here I am

Last night I had a bout of insomnia between 2:30 and 5:30ish... I laid in bed planning out my yoga sequencing for the day, and when I tired of that I started to write poetry in my head. I do this often, being mostly inspired at night, however whenever I get up to write something down it seems to vanish, or simply reject the idea of being put into tangible words. So instead I repeat verses to myself over and over, hoping that when I wake up, they or some version of them are still lingering in my head. 

Sometimes it works, others not so much, but as I was awake for quite a while I had a chance to compose in my brain, dwell on the words.... So when I got up this morning it was pretty easy to take my sleep deprived ramblings and get them on paper. Mostly... 

It's still not quite right... there are things I know I left out... and some things that just didn't work... this is exactly why I need a writing group... to switch things up, bounce things around, arrange and re-arrange, edit.... (though admittedly it is also exhilarating to write something and put it out there without having time to over-think it)

Anyway... here is what I came up with

Here I am

Writing a poem about us

Though there is no longer an “us”

Just you and me as individuals

together in our separateness.

I could write a poem about the intense

blue of your eyes

or the way your beard smells of tobacco

of how our kisses were perfect

how our oddities entwined

like hands holding each other…

But infatuation is overdone

and everyone can relate to heartache

My questions are many

your words few

though they assuage

the fissures of my heart

the best they can.

Sticks and stones people say

But I know better

I know the potential heartache of

words,

or a lack thereof

The situation robbed of potential

Stolen away like a thief in the night…

and here I thought I liked surprises.

I’m missing everyday moments

You

your touch

I’m missing what was there

and also what wasn’t

I used to dwell in possibility

maybe now too much on what was

and who likes the feeling of moving backwards

when forward motion is the trend?

Moving forward is not the same as moving on.

Here I am

Right where you left me

My heart still open…