Lists

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?”

– Mary Oliver

A List of Sorts

Before I cease to breathe and the next great adventure

that is the unknown overtakes my valued moments

there are some things I plan on doing.

Things I need to do

things I will do

things that I want to do.

First and foremost I will learn how to cartwheel

and spin through some grassy park

hands over head over ground under feet,

and I will know satisfaction.

I need to see the Pyramids

            and to drink Grappa in Italy

            and to go to Ridal Mount in the spring to see Wordsworth’s daffodils.

            I need to sit in the Louvre and admire all the faces in my favorite painting by                                 David

            and to go to the Plaza in search of Eloise

            and to see all fifty states

            and the white stucco houses of Greece.

            and to see a show on Broadway.

I need to live abroad and experience something different.

And I need to learn to make apple pie like my mother

so I can someday teach my daughter how.

I need to taste a kumquat, because it is the funniest of all fruits

and I need to learn to drive a manual vehicle, because it is a rite of passage,

because it is essential,

because it is something that always haunts my dreams.

I will learn to knit a hat

and proudly wear it in the cold months

that seem too long

Someday I will own a Bulldog

and name him something ridiculous and British

I will take a wine tasting class,

so I will finally know which wines are oakey, or fruity.

and I will watch all three Godfather movies

I will write something life changing,

even if it only changes my life,

and it only changes it a little bit.

I will buy myself some diamonds, because that will be the moment

that I know I’ve made it.

And someday I will grow my own garden

so I can have the satisfaction of eating fresh carrots

and lettuce and green beans

that I grew myself

And I will learn to play the drums for no other reason

than the fact that I’ve always wanted to.

And along those same lines I will camp at the gorge for

all three nights of Dave Matthews,  

and see a pig race at the Bear Creek Saloon,

and own something by Dolce and Gabanna

and play the Star Wars drinking game,

simply because I want to.

Mary Oliver said “What I want in my life is to be willing to be dazzled”

and I want that as well, but

I also want to figure out how to master chopsticks

so I don’t look like an idiot when I attempt to eat pad thai.

and I want to own stock in Starbucks, so I won’t feel as guilty

every day when I spend three dollars on a cup of coffee.

I’d like to find out more about my ancestors, so I feel I have

an adequate answer when people ask me questions about my heritage.

I would like to sit in a café in Jackson Hole Wyoming,

and wait with my coffee in hopes of seeing Harrison Ford Walk by.

I’d like to learn a bit of Latin, so I can impress

 those who would be impressed by it.

I desire to read all of the reference books

sitting on my shelf, and actually validate my obsession with them.

and I’d like to learn to sail

so I can feel the wind in my hair and sing

Jamie Cullum to myself while enjoying the solitude of the ocean.

I want to crush grapes with my feet,

to feel them crunch, and smell the purple flavor.

and make a quilt out of all the clothes I can’t seem to part with,

so they will be a part of something always,

and I’d like to be the one to name a crayon color.

Mostly I would like to be someone’s muse,

to know that I was someone’s inspiration.

and I’d love to learn to juggle so I don’t feel

quite so uncoordinated all the time.

I hope to improve my flirting skills,

for obvious, selfish reasons

and to learn to love running,

            or at least love the results of running,

because it will make my bones stronger,

and legs trimmer,

and mindset healthier.

I want to own a house where each room has a unique color

and to learn to Salsa and ballroom dance,

because I’m always happiest when dancing.

and I’d like to sing Karaoke in a room full of strangers,

just to get out of my comfort zone.

I’d like to find a nickname that sticks with me

and to drink a TAB soda.

I want to return to the town where I was born,

and explore my childhood memories

by riding the Skunk Train,

and sifting through sea glass at Glass Beach,

and by climbing the Eucalyptus tree in my old back yard.

I want to choreograph something to be performed on stage,

so I can see my creativity expressed by other people

and to see a game in Fenway Park, so that I can be in

the presence of past baseball greatness.

and I want to smoke a cigar, so I feel a little rebellious

and ride in a hot air balloon so I can fully grasp a birds eye view.

And I want to read all of Shakespeare’s sonnets,

and actually finish an entire Jane Austen novel

and I’d love to see both House and Garden performed on the stage

and to meet Bill Cosby,

and I want to see the Pope waving from his window in the Vatican

and to attempt write a prose poem

and to do a shot of tequila with my mother, just to say that I have.

I want to be featured on the Writer’s Almanac

because Garrison Keillor’s voice

makes everything sound more interesting.

I want to become a vegetarian for a while,

to see if I have the self discipline and can make it

an entire year without craving a burger.

I’d like to ride on an elephant, because it’s the one thing

I’m jealous of my brother for

and I want to learn to play chess, because it seems like in life,

one should play chess.

Yes, before I cease to breathe and the next great adventure

that is the unknown overtakes my valued moments

there are some things I plan on doing.

There is something so satisfying about making lists, and lately I’ve been making a lot of them. Lists of things to accomplish on my days off, lists of books I want to read, things I need to get at the grocery store, office supplies we need at work, places I want to travel, schools I would like to go to, volunteer jobs, restaurants I want to eat at, songs I should download, types of herbs I want to plant, recipes to try, words I should look up, phone calls I need to make, e-mails I need to send… the possibilities are endless. And I like to think I’m not alone in my list making.  Whether it is making a list of things to pack, or coming up with New Year’s resolutions, lists are everywhere. They sashay through our subconscious, show up in our wallets, are taped to our refrigerators, and linger in our in-boxes. Mental, or physical, lists are everywhere.

Personally I like concrete lists, something that I can hold in my hands and actually cross off with a dash of my pen.  I just love the tangibility of them. Even if I don’t get everything accomplished, the list is still there reminding me of what is left to do. It’s a lot harder to sweep unfinished tasks or goals under the rug if a list is staring you in the face.  Even if I don’t, it’s nice to have a visible set of things to achieve, whether it be in an afternoon, or a lifetime.

I find that lists give me a wonderful sense of direction, which is often something that I need. I have a tendency to get distracted, overwhelmed, bored, forgetful, or all-of- the -above, but if I can visualize a list of things that need to get done, there is a way better chance of me actually following through. Even if it is just a lame way of convincing myself that I AM being productive, it’s nice to look back on something and say “look at all the stuff I got accomplished!”  In this sense, lists are the best kind of paper-trail.

I’ve always worked well off of lists. When I was growing up my mom used to leave my brother and I lists with our breakfast of things we needed to do.  As children we were home-schooled, and though my parents were often home to get us motivated for the day, there would be an occasional morning when both of my parents were working. Thus our list of school work and household tasks was left with breakfast… And look at me know. I’m a self-starting, self-motivated, list making fool. 

Lists have actually made their way into my writing process as well. I have a sticky-note stuck to the inside of my planner with a list of possible blog topics, and quite a few poems in my thesis took the form of lists. List of things I want to do in my life (see above poem), lists of alliterations, lists of colors items strewn together. Open up any of my notebooks in college and you would find countless pages filled with random lists of things I planned on incorporating into my poetry.  I’ve got lists of potential titles, lists of phrases I like, lists of interesting words, lists of spicy things, lists of words that evoke the color green etc.  Though some of my poems are a little more abstract than others, there is something unremarkably relatable about lists.

Lately I’ve had the desire to be a little more creative with my lists. Though most are still scrawled on sticky pads and notebook pages, I’ve started being a little more innovative with the big lists. My favorite list, the list that contains goals for my future, is collaged on a poster-board in my bedroom. Sure I don’t get to go through the physical act of crossing stuff off of this list, but it is a constant visual reinforcement every morning when I wake up.  I know it might be a while before I own a bulldog named Toby, or have perfect abs, but there are daily goals on there as well. Words like “Spend less, save more” and “good posture” are a steady reminder to work towards day-to-day achievements.