I'd like to register for Life please.

The more I think about it, the more I think that we should be allowed to create a “life registry”. Forget weddings, or babies…. Why do the married and the childbearing get to be the only ones with a very specific list of gifts they would like to recieve? It is actually pretty ridiculous when you think about it. You go out into the world as a single person, and start accumulating your own set of stuff. Dishes, furniture, books, camping gear, etc until you finally settle down with another once single person who has accumulated all the same stuff, and then you have to get together, and sort through it all, get rid of a ton, and then gasp, register for more “grown-up” stuff. I argue that we should cut out the middle man… that being the wedding registry, and just start accumulating the good stuff right now.

Why is this the norm? Personally I would have liked to begin collecting the “good stuff” when I was right out of college. Frankly, I am more likely to use a Dutch oven now in my single life than when I’m married and actually put it on a registry. The same goes with a kitchen aid mixer, a good vacuum, cake plates, nice sheets, bathroom towels and a menagerie of other items typically found on a wedding registry.  Not that I want anyone to get any ideas, but think of the domestic goddess I could be by the time I am married if I already had all these things at my disposal. And for those people getting married, wouldn’t it be so much simpler if you already had nice cookie sheets, and didn’t have to worry about registering for them? Wouldn’t it be nice if people just gave you money towards your honeymoon, or a down-payment on a house, rather than having to worry about starting a new life without any of the basics? And though I realize this is not always the case, but why are people encouraged to give you stuff, when you are suddenly combining two incomes…. Granted I know there are a lot of expenses to consider… but regardless, single people still pay rent, and phone bills, and internet, and cable, and car insurance, and utilities… and most of those basic expenses are not going to increase with the wedding vows… in fact they often go down… so why is it that they don’t let us single people on a budget create a registry for our personal lives?

I’m reminded of the episode of Sex and the City, “A Woman’s right to Shoes” when a pair of Carrie’s shoes get stolen at a party. Carrie then realized that she has been to countless baby and bridal showers, and has each time brought a gift, and so when the hostess of the party refuses to buy her replacement shoes, she goes out and registers for them.  No, I would not go out and register for a pair of Manolos… but as a single-girl in my mid-twenties, why shouldn’t I be registered for things like an espresso maker, composting kit, and a vacuum that doesn’t have to be emptied every five minutes? Why can’t I create a registry that has things like cowboy boots, new running shoes, wine glasses, a file cabinet, and a Manduka yoga mat? These are all practical things that I would use on a daily basis (ok maybe not the cowboy boots… but you never know). Why do married people get to have all the fun?

Can you imagine how much simpler life would be if you just had a running list of things you would like? Gone would be the days of getting the “not quite what I wanted, but am thrilled you thought of me” gifts.  There would never be the awkward “I don’t really know what to get this person” moments. And even if you wanted to be creative and original and not get something off the registry, I find that registries are really helpful guidelines. It’s like the recommendations you get from online shopping. “Based on your recent purchase, we recommend these items” you can look at someone’s registry, and though you might not buy them the exact kitchen towels they were looking at, you can get an idea of personality, wants, and needs, and then pick out a gift that is appropriate, and personal. 

Registries seem to make the statement “I’m starting my life, and I want to start it with stability, and a few comforts” and isn’t that essentially what you are doing/saying when you give a wedding gift. “congratulations on starting your new life, here is something to make it a little bit easier” Well what about those of us who are unmarried, and whose lives started right out of college? Who says that I wouldn’t have been just as appreciative of a juicer at the age of twenty-two? Actually I would have probably been more appreciative of a juicer right out of school… or right now even!

Literally every piece of furniture I own (with the exception of a plant stand from Ikea) is a hand-me-down. The same can mostly be said of my kitchen equipment. I have a few new plates, and mugs, and a gorgeous set of mixing bowls, but everything else has been inherited. Not that it is a bad thing, I love being thrifty and recycling, and there is no way I could have ever afforded a couch like this, but sometimes a girl just longs for a new Cuisinart… And left to their own devices, I don’t think any of my friends would ever think to get me a potato ricer for a gift out of the blue. And though I am trying desperately to work on this, I have begun to form an attachment to some of my belongings… and I know that when I actually get married and have to begin dividing and getting rid of stuff it will be a challenge to part with some of my things… its ridiculous I know, but part of me just wants to say to hell with it, and start investing in my dream kitchen… relationships may come and go, but Le Creuset products are forever… so why not start out my “life” with one, and just take it with me when I’m married? I mean if I’m going to be forming attachments to things… It just seems so backwards to me… the idea of accumulating stuff, and then merging households, purging, and starting over. I mean both sides bring “stuff” into the relationship…. So why is it then, that people with stuff, get to then register for better stuff? Why it is ok for people getting married to ask for the stuff that they want to star their lives with, but not for people who have graduated college and who are striking out on their own? Why do people getting married, or having babies get to go to the store and pick out exactly what they want, but the rest of the world isn’t allowed to have a concrete list? What happens when we want the good stuff now… and why do I have to be married, or having a kid before it is socially acceptable for us to ask for it?

To be perfectly honest, sometimes I want gifts that are practical… This is not me looking the gift-horse in the mouth, or being un-grateful, and I will admit that I have delighted in several un-practical gifts. But in my case, I often go out and splurge on something un-practical for my birthday anyway, so if someone actually tied a bow around a hand-held mixer it would be a real treat! And yet, you can’t really ask people to get you hand-held mixers…. I mean you could, but I personally wouldn’t… and yet you give a bride a registry, and she will ask you for all sorts of practical items you would probably never think to give anyone unless they were getting married. I’m sorry, but married people are not the only ones who need basic kitchen supplies. Hello world, I’m single, and I like to bake things… where is my registry? 

Sort of along these same lines, I’ve always wondered why people don’t establish some sort of yearly guide for gift giving, similar to anniversaries, first year is paper etc. At least once we are adults. I would love it if I could say “oh so-and-so is turning twenty-six… that means we are all getting her bottles of wine” How much easier would gift giving be? You know in advance what you are getting, but it still allows for creativity and individuality on the part of the giver. You can select items in an already established category that have stood out to you, and are unique in some way, or remind you of the recipient. “This book reminded me of you” or “I know you really like Pinot Noir, and this is one of my favorite vineyards”

 I mean this essentially happens when people turn twenty-one, regardless of the circumstances, you usually get alcohol. So why not just keep adding on as the years go on? Twenty-two: books, Twenty-three: house-plants, Twenty-four: kitchen gadgets. You get the idea. I’m sure this would be much easier to incorporate amongst girlfriends… just set a gift-theme and let the year cycle out. I know I sometimes get into a “gifting rut” anyway, where I stumble upon one gift I like so much, that I just continue to keep getting it over and over again for all the people in my life… And in some ways it would be so much more personal too. I would rather pick out a fun houseplant that I know will look great it my friend’s apartment, and sort of matches their personality, rather than going to the store and picking out something less meaningful like a cd, or candle. And in some cases, I would rather pick something off of a registry, and know its an item my friend really wants, rather than just picking out something at random… Though I realize it is the thought that counts when it comes to gift giving... there is something to be said for knowing exactly what you want, and knowing it is exactly what you are going to get.