About six months ago I wrote a blog about trying to attain a feeling of balance in my life between work and exercise and everything in between. And here I am still struggling with it… though admittedly not as much as I was. It is interesting to look back on things, and see how priorities have switched, projects have shifted, and yet I’m still finding myself in a precarious balancing act between my personal and professional lives and furthermore between my personal wants and needs.
Last time I was struggling with this, a friend told me that I just needed to set a schedule, and make time… and I’m really good at that. Maybe too good, actually. I’m finding time to enjoy life, but I’m slacking on some of the basics, like putting my clean laundry away, and doing the dishes that have been sitting in my sink longer than I would ever admit to anyone. Perhaps my priorities are still a little askew? I’m still functioning under the “work hard, play hard” mentality. So here I am, instead of cleaning out my car, I’m sitting in a coffee shop, writing a blog, hoping that the cute guy behind the counter comes over to talk to me. I’m ignoring work e-mails for another hour, and I’m choosing to forget about the dishes that will be in my sink when I get home, and I’m totally ok with that.
The funny thing is that when I was in a relationship the balance just sort of worked itself out. My house was always clean, I always quit work at a decent time, and I wasn’t answering e-mails and tweaking advertising late at night. I was able to leave my work at work, maintain personal priorities, and have a life. Sure I wasn’t writing as much, and I probably ran late for almost everything, but I never dropped the ball, never felt overly stressed, over-committed, or completely out of balance. I’m not saying that relationships are the answer to maintaining balance, but it is interesting how just a minor change can throw things back to the brink of over-working, over-thinking, over-committing.
This is partially my own fault, as I am a procrastinator, and yet I often find myself in situations (be they, work, volunteer, or personal) where I know in my gut “well if I don’t do it, it won’t get done”, and this often leads me to push and pull things out of balance. And finally, at the very end of the day, when I am commitment free, the last thing I want to do is put away laundry and take out the recycling.
I was so proud of myself yesterday on my “day-off” for not answering any sort of work e-mails (though I may have looked at a few). But rather than tackling my laundry, or dishes, or the countless other things that I should have been getting accomplished in my free time, I spend a good portion of the afternoon & evening working on building a website for a volunteer committee that I’m on. It looks great, and I’m not complaining, since I did “volunteer” for it, but I cannot help but feel a little twinge of something when I realize that the dishes are still in my sink, the clothes still in front of my dresser, yoga classes unplanned, checkbook un-balanced, e-mails unanswered, and responsibilities untended. True, I made a choice, and yes none of these things are life and death, or even that fun… (This is why they have been left un-done) but the real truth of the matter is that there really is no one else to do the dishes, or put away the clothes… and even though I feel like at work there is no one to answer the e-mails, do the advertising, and cover the hours that need covered, there is still a little bit of wiggle room. Yes, the longer I put off the e-mails, the less professional we look, but the longer I put off the dishes, the more off-putting my personal space becomes…
At this point I know its all about discipline. I need to just do the dishes, and vacuum, and take a box of stuff to Goodwill. I need to schedule in the chores, and the errands, and in turn balance out my over-productive work/volunteer life. All work and no play makes me cranky… then again so does my messy kitchen. It’s funny, because my mother is the absolute opposite of me. She cannot even think about relaxing before messes are cleaned up, everything is in it’s place, and order has been restored to the house-hold. I am all about dropping everything, forgetting about the mess, closing doors, living out of suitcases, and actively stepping over piles of things rather than putting them away. How did I get this way? Clearly it wasn’t a result of my upbringing (although maybe the compulsive organizing of My Little Ponies as a child lead me to a less than organized adult-hood?)
Maybe I’m just born to procrastinate? Or Multi-task, as I’m writing this, I’ve answered a few volunteer e-mails and I gave it an answered at least 6 work e-mails… Maybe this feeling of going all the time, working, writing, always on is really my balance?Or maybe I just need to set better boundaries...
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Don't answer my 1 am emails for goodness sake! Balance is as much about the process of getting there as it is about arriving. It ebbs and flows for me. And truth be told, my laundry has been in the basket for weeks. I pull something out, wear it, wash it, return it to the basket.
ReplyDeleteI think boundaries are key, and I'm terrible with them. I'm learning though. One thing I do know for sure is, other people don't balance me. I mean relationships are important, but it's all on me.
Also, I tend to be better at doing the dishes after I've gotten in a run. In fact, just about everything is easier after a run.