I just got back from one of those trips to the grocery
store, in which you pray and hope the entire time that you don’t run into
anyone you know. At 9PM I realized that
Toby has puppy class tomorrow, and is almost out of training treats… So there I
was, at the store buying the jumbo pack of turkey hot dogs… and he also needed
some baby wipes (for wrinkle cleaning) I needed tampons, and to round out the
purchase I picked up a quart of chocolate milk… why not? I try not to judge
people… but sometimes, like in line at the grocery store… it is easy to jump to
assumptions. I have often felt like I’m kindred spirits with the person in
front of me when I see we have most of the same items, or all items I wish I
was buying… I start to think about what he or she might be making with the ingredients,
what I might make with the ingredients etc. And then there are the times when the person
in front of you is buying one can of cat food, Twilight, a pack of lighters,
and maraschino cherries… and you sort of have to wonder what is happening…
Tonight I was that person, with my jumbo pack of half-priced hot dogs, my
chocolate milk, and feminine hygiene products… I was an awkward moment waiting
to happen. I would just like to clear the air and say that I would normally
never buy hot dogs… let alone a price reduced jumbo pack of hot dogs. (I have,
and will continue to buy myself hotdogs at baseball games… and maybe a polish
dog from costco here and there…) And as sad as I’m sure I looked in the
self-checkout line, hoping no one would notice me… I would just like to say to
the world that my night was not spent consuming hot dogs and chocolate milk in
a sad and lonely state… I was making treats for my mutt.
And speaking of Toby… he was asked out on a date last night.
It started out really randomly, when a guy that I hung out with one time like a
million years ago (aka 10 months) popped up out of nowhere and facebook asked
me where I got my dog. We chatted for a bit about Toby… and he confessed he was
seriously looking for a bulldog, etc etc, and I started to think, maybe this
was the universe giving me a second chance. He was cute when we hung out, unfortunately
I was totally crushing on some other guy, and though I flirted a little bit, I totally
threw in the towel because I had just gotten off an 11 hour work day, was exhausted,
and was limping around because I just had my tattoo touched up. In other words,
I pulled into my shell, wanted to go home, and completely blew it. Hindsight,
you know? So suddenly 10 months later, here he is, confessing his love of
bulldogs… and in the back of my mind, I’m thinking “ok maybe this is our ‘meet
cute’ Maybe I get a second chance. Maybe things are starting to turn around and
the universe is finally giving me a break.” And then he says to me “can we go
on a date this weekend?” And at this point I’m pretty sure the universe is
finally starting to make up for all the awkwardness and uncomfortable
situations. So I casually say “I’ll be around this weekend….. hahah, and Toby
will be too of course” trying to play it cool… and he replies with “oh… I was
thinking about the dog… but ”. And once
again, everything was back to it’s awkward self. I still sort of kept trying to feel out the
situation, thinking that maybe it really was him trying to play it cool, maybe
he really was trying to get to my through my dog… maybe he was just trying to
play it cool and using the dog as an excuse? But the more we talked, the more I
realized, he was trying to get to my dog through me.
And the awkwardness kept building. The joking manner of the
conversation continued, and before I knew it he was saying things like “it’d be
great. We could have joint custody without dealing with the messiness of
divorce” and “my next long term relationship is going to be with my dog… and I
am ready for that long term relationship.” All the while I’m thinking “Hello,
my dog and I are a package deal!” He finally said “hey, I haven’t seen you in a
while, how are things, what have you been up to.” Meanwhile I’m thinking “we
hung out once in a group setting… you’ve hardly seen me ever!” but we continued
with the small talk, I gave him the name of the bulldog breeder… and he may or
may not show up on Saturday expecting to have a date with my dog…
I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t cross my mind that having
a bulldog might be an ok way to pick up men. I mean it’s not why I got him or
anything, and I’m totally in love with him… But it crossed my mind once or
twice. And its sort of true… not just guys, but people in general are pretty
drawn to him when we go out in public. I never actually thought that he would
get asked out for dates without me. Again… hello, we are a package deal people!
But the really weird/ sad part is that I already have a guy
who is interested in having joint custody of my Bulldog without being in a
relationship with me. This is not the first guy in my life who wants to go on
dates with my bulldog. And quite frankly… I don’t think I can handle more than
one of those relationships in my life… one is more than enough. And what
exactly is the universe trying to tell me here… because suddenly it seems like
all the great guys with similar interests who seem to have all the qualities
and characteristics I’m looking for… are looking for a relationship with my dog
child. I feel like the wife in Jerry Maguire when she says “I've got this great
guy. And he loves my kid. And he sure does like me a lot. And I can't live like
that. It's not the way I'm built.”
As much as I’m always looking for a good babysitter… I’m
also looking for a guy who is more into me, than my dog. And really, I don’t
think that is too much to ask.
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