I promise The Awkward Olive is not becoming a blog about the
perils in my dating life… though from time to time I do tend to focus my energy
there… What can I say? In a small town, as a twenty-something with no prospects
on the horizon it is something that I struggle with.
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m either a late bloomer, or
I entirely missed the boat. Looking at all of my friends who are in long-term
relationships, they all met their other half when we were in school (some under
grad, some graduate school) But let’s face it, dating was simpler when you had
the option of hanging out in a study group, randomly running into someone on
campus, and being able to admire someone from the back of a classroom as they
discussed a book you were also passionate about. In college you get to pick classes that
interest you, therefore putting you in a group of other people with similar
interest, and you have a built in buffer of roommates, and friends, and everything
has the opportunity to be casual until it isn’t. It can be just a study
session, or it can be a date. It can be a random campus sanctioned activity
with a large group, or it can be getting to know someone better without the pressure
of a real date.
Though while I was in college, my roommates and I often
thought we were in the wasteland of love (there may or may not have been a song
that went along with that) little did I know, that my post college experience
would actually be the real wasteland of love… Had I know then, what I know now,
I would have dated a lot more in college (ok, ok, I would have dated period. Something
I somehow seemed to have missed out on while in academia, though it wasn’t for
lack of trying) I know all the clichés about hind-sight, but seriously, if
someone would have explained to me that maybe starting to date someone while
you are figuring out who you are, might have actually been more beneficial than
getting your life figured out before settling down… Well ok I don’t know how to
finish that sentence… what if someone had explained that to me? Would my life
be different? Would I be working 13 hour days, living in yoga clothes, prancing
around McMinnville with a bulldog? I don’t know.
I only bring this up, because once upon a time people used
to tell me “don’t settle, its ok to be picky” and “don’t get tied down too
young. The world is huge, and you have your whole like ahead of you” etc. etc.
But these days I’m getting more advice along the lines of “you know, at this
point you are just going to be set in your ways and its going to be hard for
you to find someone who lives up to your standards” AH! At what point does not
being willing to settle, turn into having too high of standards? The once
encouraging words of “go out, figure out who you are” are turning into “well I
hope you find someone who puts up with all of your quirks”… and lets face it,
the older I get, the quirkier I become. And the more life experience I have,
the more I realize what type of man I want to date, and what my own interests
and goals are… and yes, the older I get, the pickier I become. And this makes
me a little panicky…
Ok not panicky… I haven’t had a nervous breakdown yet about
being single the rest of my life… I spend way too much time planning other
people’s weddings to sit down and let go of the optimism that a wedding might not be in my future. But I also can’t help but wonder what would have
happened if I would have had a serious relationship when I was a little bit
younger, before I knew what I wanted in my life. Would it have been easier to
adapt to someone before my own dreams were set in motion? Would we have had
collective dreams that grew together? Would my hypothetical other half have
been excited to stay in McMinnville, plant a garden, and get a bulldog?
Because at this point, it does sort of seem like a lot to
ask of a person. Here I am, this is my personality, and my sense of humor, and
this is where I live, and this is my job, and my bulldog snores really loudly,
and I need to be home to water the garden, and I’m not a huge fan of whiskey,
and all of our future dogs will probably be named after Red Sox players, and I’m
an olive oil snob, and I have really crazy morning hair, and sometimes I wear
yoga clothes all week. (not that I would actually present myself that way, even I know that makes me seem a little crazy
town).
It seems like it would have been
simpler to have met someone before my dreams were my dreams, and before my
reality was my reality, and before I really knew exactly what I wanted… because
not being willing to settle, is quickly approaching being too picky… But at the
end of the day, I want to be with someone who shares my interests. I was
tooling around on Pinterest earlier, and I saw this picture of Ryan Gossling
(which I don’t really get the whole obsession. Sure he is handsome, but why is everyone
suddenly going gaga over him? When did he become the It guy? And quite frankly,
I hate the gushyness of The Notebook so much, that it probably has ruined Ryan
Gossling for me… truly. But all that aside, some of the random pictures of him with
the seductive text make me LOL.)
This is what I want… to stay up late looking at seed
catalogs, planning out the summer garden. I want to tell funny stories about
what I little ham my puppy is, and how is can be such a little tool when he
wants to be. I want to read excerpts from Extra Virginity about the
adulteration of the olive oil business, and have someone else be just as fascinated
as I am. I want to be with someone who will occasionally go to yoga class with
me, and who will help me drag Toby the first ½ a block of his walk. I want
someone else to be a little nostalgic about the Fact that Tim Wakefield
retired, and that Varitek is gone (I know he is old, but he was the team
caption for crying out loud. Yes, the team needs some new blood, and that is
baseball… but at least give me a moment of nostalgia). I want to be with
someone who puts up with my neurosis, (and maybe even finds them endearing? Along
with my occasional awkwardness) And I
want to find this person before I become completely jaded about relationships…
and also before I become too frumpy…
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