Not settling or too picky?

I promise The Awkward Olive is not becoming a blog about the perils in my dating life… though from time to time I do tend to focus my energy there… What can I say? In a small town, as a twenty-something with no prospects on the horizon it is something that I struggle with.

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m either a late bloomer, or I entirely missed the boat. Looking at all of my friends who are in long-term relationships, they all met their other half when we were in school (some under grad, some graduate school) But let’s face it, dating was simpler when you had the option of hanging out in a study group, randomly running into someone on campus, and being able to admire someone from the back of a classroom as they discussed a book you were also passionate about.  In college you get to pick classes that interest you, therefore putting you in a group of other people with similar interest, and you have a built in buffer of roommates, and friends, and everything has the opportunity to be casual until it isn’t. It can be just a study session, or it can be a date. It can be a random campus sanctioned activity with a large group, or it can be getting to know someone better without the pressure of a real date. 

Though while I was in college, my roommates and I often thought we were in the wasteland of love (there may or may not have been a song that went along with that) little did I know, that my post college experience would actually be the real wasteland of love… Had I know then, what I know now, I would have dated a lot more in college (ok, ok, I would have dated period. Something I somehow seemed to have missed out on while in academia, though it wasn’t for lack of trying) I know all the clichés about hind-sight, but seriously, if someone would have explained to me that maybe starting to date someone while you are figuring out who you are, might have actually been more beneficial than getting your life figured out before settling down… Well ok I don’t know how to finish that sentence… what if someone had explained that to me? Would my life be different? Would I be working 13 hour days, living in yoga clothes, prancing around McMinnville with a bulldog? I don’t know.

I only bring this up, because once upon a time people used to tell me “don’t settle, its ok to be picky” and “don’t get tied down too young. The world is huge, and you have your whole like ahead of you” etc. etc. But these days I’m getting more advice along the lines of “you know, at this point you are just going to be set in your ways and its going to be hard for you to find someone who lives up to your standards” AH! At what point does not being willing to settle, turn into having too high of standards? The once encouraging words of “go out, figure out who you are” are turning into “well I hope you find someone who puts up with all of your quirks”… and lets face it, the older I get, the quirkier I become. And the more life experience I have, the more I realize what type of man I want to date, and what my own interests and goals are… and yes, the older I get, the pickier I become. And this makes me a little panicky…

Ok not panicky… I haven’t had a nervous breakdown yet about being single the rest of my life… I spend way too much time planning other people’s weddings to sit down and let go of the optimism that  a wedding might not be in my future.  But I also can’t help but wonder what would have happened if I would have had a serious relationship when I was a little bit younger, before I knew what I wanted in my life. Would it have been easier to adapt to someone before my own dreams were set in motion? Would we have had collective dreams that grew together? Would my hypothetical other half have been excited to stay in McMinnville, plant a garden, and get a bulldog?

Because at this point, it does sort of seem like a lot to ask of a person. Here I am, this is my personality, and my sense of humor, and this is where I live, and this is my job, and my bulldog snores really loudly, and I need to be home to water the garden, and I’m not a huge fan of whiskey, and all of our future dogs will probably be named after Red Sox players, and I’m an olive oil snob, and I have really crazy morning hair, and sometimes I wear yoga clothes all week. (not that I would actually present myself that way,  even I know that makes me seem a little crazy town).   

It seems like it would have been simpler to have met someone before my dreams were my dreams, and before my reality was my reality, and before I really knew exactly what I wanted… because not being willing to settle, is quickly approaching being too picky… But at the end of the day, I want to be with someone who shares my interests. I was tooling around on Pinterest earlier, and I saw this picture of Ryan Gossling (which I don’t really get the whole obsession. Sure he is handsome, but why is everyone suddenly going gaga over him? When did he become the It guy? And quite frankly, I hate the gushyness of The Notebook so much, that it probably has ruined Ryan Gossling for me… truly. But all that aside, some of the random pictures of him with the seductive text make me LOL.) 

This is what I want… to stay up late looking at seed catalogs, planning out the summer garden. I want to tell funny stories about what I little ham my puppy is, and how is can be such a little tool when he wants to be. I want to read excerpts from Extra Virginity about the adulteration of the olive oil business, and have someone else be just as fascinated as I am. I want to be with someone who will occasionally go to yoga class with me, and who will help me drag Toby the first ½ a block of his walk. I want someone else to be a little nostalgic about the Fact that Tim Wakefield retired, and that Varitek is gone (I know he is old, but he was the team caption for crying out loud. Yes, the team needs some new blood, and that is baseball… but at least give me a moment of nostalgia). I want to be with someone who puts up with my neurosis, (and maybe even finds them endearing? Along with my occasional awkwardness)  And I want to find this person before I become completely jaded about relationships… and also before I become too frumpy…