a reflection on multi-tasking, the internet, and meditation.

These past few weeks I have been very aware of my multi-tasking tendency/ technology dependency. Mainly because I’ve been functioning without reliable internet access. To say that this causes me a bit of angst, is an understatement. Yes, I am perfectly capable of living a normal life, internet free, I have books to read, rooms to unpack, other things to do… that being said, my productivity has also been cut in half over the past two weeks, and overall my lack of internet has left me feeling chaotic, unorganized and out of touch.

I blame this on the fact that I have literally had internet access in my bedroom since I was in 8^th grade. Yes, I was a bit of a nerdy child, but my BFF lived in Denver, a good 500 miles away, and a good portion of my day was spent writing e-mails. Fast forward to college when everything is done on the internet, submitting papers, on-line messaging, researching, and lets not forget facebook.

As an adult, having constant internet access allows me to pretend like I have a life away from work/ days off, because at least I can answer e-mails and meet deadlines while at home. I’m also a night owl, which means a lot of newsletters, advertising, and social media updates get done while I’m at home in comfortable clothes with a glass of wine. It also is the time when I’m blogging the most, writing the most, researching the most, or watching Netflix the most. So the last few weeks have been a bit of a challenge… not because I have a problem slowing down or re-prioritizing, but because my lack of connectivity has left me feeling behind in several aspects of my life. Rather than just taking an entire day to work on settling my apartment, I have to work for a few hours, then drive somewhere with a computer so I can e-mail our graphic designer, approve ads, and tweak tee-shirt designs for work. And normally I wouldn’t mind, normally I would take my lap-top to a coffee shop, and spend an entire afternoon sipping Stumptown, and playing catch up, but in the midst of a move, and two house-sitting jobs, normal working hours, and a visit from the grandparents, I’ve been lucky if I even get time for a cup of coffee, let alone coffee an a leisurely afternoon. No time during daylight hours when there are boxes to un-pack and pictures to hang on the wall! And sadly, there are no late-night coffee shops for me to frequent at 11PM when my creative juices are starting to kick in.

I’ve only had a smartphone for a year, and already I am trying to figure out what I did before that? Granted, it isn’t perfect, I cannot send e-mail attachments (ok maybe I can? But I’m not savy enough to figure out how), I don’t get to see everyone’s newsfeed, and as of late the alarm clock has turned onto silent mode (why would you even make that feature? Last time I checked a silent alarm doesn’t help get anyone out of bed on time!). It has been invaluable at work, especially over the past two weeks… but lets be honest, typing up long and detailed e-mails on a phone key-board is a bit taxing. It also makes it really easy to blur the lines between my work/ personal life. It’s all combined into one phone, where I get calls and texts from my friends, and just as many calls and texts that are work related. I get work e-mails at 2AM, and though I understand that I do not have to read and answer them, I have been known to wake up in the middle of the night, see the green light blinking, and get sucked into a work e-mail while in the wee hours. Most of the time I have enough self-control, and say “this can wait until tomorrow” but sometimes I’m up, and alone, and think “meh, I’ll just get this out of the way while it’s on my mind”.

I’ve been trying to combat this feeling of unsettled unproductiveness with some daily meditation. Overall I know the unsettledness is resulting from much more than lack of internet. I’ve been essentially living out of 4 different places for the past month, bouncing from one house-sitting job to another, moving from one apartment to another, spending a night or two at my parents house… its been hectic, and dis-jointed, and messy, and annoying. I’m to the point where I feel like I could just hole up in my new apartment for the next month, and just nest (well once I get the internet). I’m tired of living out of suitcases, chasing around pets that aren’t mine, and driving places to get online… I’m tired of multi-tasking when it comes to my living situation, and I am thrilled that tonight is the first night I’m actually going to be sleeping in my new place! Home at last! Anyway, the meditation has been a fun experiement, and also really good for the rest of my life, in which multi-tasking is a key factor. It’s been nice to take 10 minutes every morning and just focus on one though, one intention, or no thoughts and no intention, and just center on silence and stillness. I admit that I thrive on the multi-tasking, but I wonder how different society would be as a whole if we put a higher value on meditation and stillness. Focusing on nothing rather than focusing on everything might be really beneficial.  

I’m still trying to figure out if the multi-tasking that is required if my generation is a blessing or a curse. These days, multi-tasking is all but a requirement in the work-place, and is considered by some to be a resume item. And for me it is pretty much a way of life.  I can be content just working on one thing, just doing one thing… I can savor little moments… but most of the time it takes me a few minutes to settle into it. Today, for example, as I was eating lunch I couldn’t help but feel like there was something else I should be doing… whether that was checking my e-mail, reading a book, making a list, planning out the rest of my day… it felt somehow wrong, and most definitely foreign to just sit in silence and chew my food. And this is coming from a person who loves to eat!  Maybe you need to be in the right mind-set to savor those moments… perhaps if I wasn’t already feeling so behind, if I didn’t have a long list of e-mails to write, phone calls to answer, errands to run, I would have been able to enjoy each bite a little more, revel in the silence, and not worry about all the time I was “wasting”.

And it is an ongoing process. At work, in my personal life.  I always feel like I have 15 or so projects in the air, I’m reading more than one book, I have more than one e-mail address, even now, my web browser is open to gmail, and facebook, and a few news articles, and my blog etc. Maybe the multi-tasking is just our way of justifying ADD? Or a way to keep us from falling into a rut. If things are constantly moving, constantly changing, constantly busy, and just a little bit out of focus, it seems like there is always something to work towards, always something to be doing. Gone are the days of just sticking to one thing, and doing it really well. It seems like we are trying to diversify in all areas of our lives, professionally and socially, and standing still for too long, and focusing on just one thing seems to be a something from the past.

I think eventually we will get back to that slower pace of life… things are trending that way already with the slow food movement, front-yard gardens, sending hand-written letters etc. And these are all things I think the multi-tasking generation is craving… and yet I wonder how I will ever make more time for them without multi-tasking in some areas of my life?

In the meantime, Comcast is coming to install internet tomorrow, and I’m looking forward to feeling a bit less frantic, and a little more connected, and most definitely more productive.