Procrastination

I’ve always been a bit of a procrastinator…. I’m procrastinating right now in fact, working on a blog when in reality I should be pouring over vocab lists or brushing up on my algebra skills. The GRE is less than a month away now, and even though I know I should be spending a majority of my free preparing for it, I find myself typing away at my computer….. Not that this blog is stemming from my desire to procrastinate. It’s been on my “to-do list” for over a year now. But as it so often happens with to do lists (at least with mine) I seem to need a looming deadline or a need to avoid something else to really find my motivation. This is not to be confused with inspiration. I find inspiration in most everyday things, but it often takes that extra push to get things down on paper.
Maybe procrastination wouldn’t be so appealing if it wasn’t so often rewarded. You get countless college professors who reiterate over & over again the importance of not leaving things till the last minute, giving yourself plenty of time to get assignments & papers in, & then they drive it home by saying that they can always tell when something is completed at the last minute. And you have good intentions of starting early, doing plenty of research, leaving time to let your ideas marinate, time for re-writes, revisions etc. Of course there comes a time when this is just unrealistic, and you find yourself the night before a large project is due, hyped up on caffeine, sitting at your desk frantically typing. The pressure is on, you’ve only got tonight to get it right, and your ideas have to be clear and original and free of typos. You know the odds are against you, because you’ve been staring at the screen for hours, you are sleep deprived & all of your paragraphs are blending together, but you reach the point where enough is enough, and decide to put yourself out of your misery. You write a conclusion, and pray for a passing grade. And after you’ve gotten your first A under these less than optimal conditions, you start to wonder if maybe you work better under pressure? Do you need the last minute fear & angst to push through the writers block? Probably not, but it does seem to add a unique rush to the experience, and so long as you are coming out on top why not?
It’s been quite a few years since I’ve had to push through the last minute pressure to meet an academic deadline, but with the GRE looming in the imminent future, I’m beginning to revert to some of my favorite procrastination tactics. My affinity for clutter lends itself to this quite nicely. It’s not that I enjoy messes or clutter, but the fact is, they don’t bother me, provided they are my own mess, my own stuff. But everyone has a breaking point, a point where suddenly the dishes in the sink have to be cleaned before another breath can be taken, a point where one’s mail must be sorted & filed, the recycling taken out, the plants pruned & the shelves dusted. For me this point typically occurs when I should be doing something else. No, when I NEED to be doing something else. I’m faced with a deadline, and suddenly the only thing I can focus on doing is bleaching the grout in my bathroom, reorganizing the fridge, backing up all my music files, color-coding my closet, scrubbing the kitchen floor on hands and knees, making a grocery list, tweezing my eyebrows etc. On the bright side, most of my procrastination distractions tend to be things that do need to get done, and I’m usually much happier once and more focused when they are done. Unfortunately my ability to prioritize is often clouded when in the procrastination haze. Why is it that I only seem to notice the toothpaste on the bathroom sink when I’m running 15 minutes behind schedule in the morning? Why, when I know I’m running late, do I feel compelled to do things that will slow me down even more, like clean the mirror?
Is it a self sabotaging strategy? Time will only tell. I’m taking the GRE in a month and I desperately need to study (since the idea of spending $150 to do poorly on a test isn’t my idea of fun). In the meantime I’m also starting a blog, researching graduate school (and important step, but one that could probably wait until I know my score), getting together a display for a work related trade show (the day after the GRE) coordinating two weddings, contemplating moving, and organizing a writing competition. Throw in all my other compulsive procrastination habits, not to mention my favorite fall distraction, MLB playoffs, and I begin to wonder if I’m biting off more than I can chew. Am I crazy? Probably. Can I pull it all off? God I hope so.